Self-care is a pretty hot topic these days. There are over 11.5 million #selfcare hashtagged Instagram posts. We live in stressful times and we're yearning for balance and peace. I'm a huge proponent for self-care. It's impossible to nourish your body and soul without taking care of yourself.

Self-care that benefits the mind and the body, sociologist Christine Carter says, "fosters an authentic positive emotion - like gratitude, contentedness, compassion, elevation, or inspiration." This is effective self-care that reduces stress. But are there times when "self-care" can actually make life harder?

I think so.

When and how?

1. You're following someone else's idea of what self-care should look like.

You see all those convincing posts on social media about what self-care looks like. Those women in that yoga class exude peace. Those friends strolling through that majestic redwood forest are obviously drawing inspiration from each other and from nature. That woman relaxing with her head back and eyes closed in that sparkling clean, grand bathtub is awash in contentedness. Obviously, that's how one cares for oneself.

Except this. My sister hates baths. The most inviting, bubbly, scented bath with soft music playing and candles gently glowing would hold zero ounces of self-care for her. For me? Yes, please! I can feel tension melting away just thinking about it. Maybe you can't get enough time in nature; maybe all it brings to mind are bugs and too much walking. Perhaps yoga make your soul soar; perhaps you just think it's weird. You get the idea.

When we try to push ourselves into what works for someone else because we think it should work for us, too, it ends up being the opposite of what we need.

2. Your self-care activities start adding stress.

I love meditation, but occasionally I experience short periods when it can feel like just another thing to do. When I fall into seeing it as something to check off my too-long to do list, it stops being self-care. Really all that needs to change is my attitude, but until I find a way to bring about that change, the meditation isn't helping. It's adding stress. Sounds ridiculous, right? Stressful meditation?

When the things we choose to take care of ourselves feel like "have-tos" and "shoulds," it's time to take another look. As my fellow mind-body nutrition coach, Tanya Mark says, "It's not self-care if it's stressing you out."

3. It morphs into self-improvement.

"Self-care can sort of blur into self-improvement which can sort of blur into you're not good enough as you are," Christine Carter says. Just like I'm all about self-care, I'm big on self-improvement. Healthy self-improvement goals ignite our souls and inspire growth. They are not a tool for self-flagellation because we aren't good enough the way we are.

But self-improvement and self-care are two completely separate things. Self-improvement focuses on where we want to go and how we want to be. It's forward-looking. Self-care sits solidly in the present moment. It's about nurturing ourselves where we are. It's not about change at all. It's a way to love ourselves in the now.

Let's practice what Patricia Holland preaches, "Be your own best friend, not your own worst enemy."

My beautiful friend, please nurture and take good care of yourself. You're the only one of you the world has and we need you.

#SelfCare #MentalHealth #Selfimprovement #selfcare