I’ll bet either you or someone you know has identified themselves as an emotional eater. I would also bet you or they see that as a problem. Here’s the thing. We all have emotions. We all eat. So, we’re all emotional eaters. Trying to separate feelings from eating is entirely pointless…and it’s not what we really want to do anyway. Do you want to eat like a cyborg? I sure don’t. Can we please stop trying to remove emotions from eating?

The answer to the question of whether or not emotional eating is a problem is, “It depends.” Recognizing our feelings when we eat is a good thing. It’s only a potential problem when we use food to smother or cope with uncomfortable emotions. The trick is learning to see when we’re in territory that serves us well and when we’re not.

When eating and emotions are a healthy combination

Immediately after my third son’s wedding, we had a big family picnic, the first time the extended families of this new young couple had all joined together. You’d better believe it was an intensely emotional time. It was joyful, sweet, peaceful, relaxing, fun, and more.

Recently, my husband and I went to see a movie (not something we often do). We shared some popcorn. There’s a certain kind of intimacy in sharing food. It was a simple evening enhanced by food.

Last summer all of my children, their spouses, and kids were in the same place for a family reunion. While they were in town, we made time for all of the adults to go out to dinner together. We talked and laughed and bonded. Now, that was an enriching and soul-nourishing meal.

All of these experiences show how when food and emotions come together in a healthy way it’s a beautiful thing.

Let’s look at the other side for a minute.

When eating and emotions are an unhealthy combination: smothering and coping

First of all, let me acknowledge that using food to deal with emotions works. If it didn’t, we wouldn’t do it. But, as we know, it only helps temporarily. Our difficult emotions are there waiting for us when we’re done eating, and they will pop up again.

Second, please realize the dose makes the poison, as the saying goes. If I savor one piece of Dove dark chocolate after a stressful day, that’s not really a practice I need to worry about overcoming. If, however, I’m popping one in my mouth every hour or scarfing down twenty at the end of the day, then yeah, I’ve crossed the line into territory that doesn’t serve me well, and I’d be wise to look for other ways to alleviate or deal with my stress.

What are some areas to watch out for? Using food for –

Stress relief

Bribery/Reward

Distraction

Numbing/sedation

Boredom/procrastination

Celebration/excitement

Connection/Love

Frustration/Anger

Anxiety/Worry

Mild depression

Loosening up an otherwise tight lifestyle

Exhaustion – physical or emotional

Again, our goal isn’t perfection. We just want to experience our lives fully and meet our emotions head-on. That’s the only way we can understand where we really are and how we’re really doing. We can begin by recognizing when we’re smothering our emotions. Once we do that we can start to make healthier, more productive choices. Over time we’ll get better and better at it.

How to cope with emotions without using food

Take inventory – make a list of what works about using food to deal with emotions and what doesn’t. For example –

WORKS DOESN’T WORK

Soothes Feel guilty after

It’s always available Causes discomfort in body and clothes

Numbs difficult feelings Numbs nice feelings, too

In the moment you want to eat ask –

Am I biologically hungry?

What am I feeling?

What do I actually need?

HOW TO MEET OUR NEEDS

1. Identify them

2. Find a different way to meet them Need rest? – Nap, meditate, go to bed earlier Need nurturing? – soak in a tub, get a massage or mani/pedi, read in a quiet corner, breathe, socialize, buy yourself a little gift, get fresh flowers for your home, go outside Need to deal with feelings? – First of all, allow them, write in a journal, talk to a friend, move your body – run, hit a punching bag or pillow, take a walk, etc., sit with your feelings (intensity of them often diminishes with time), let yourself cry, see a professional therapist Need distracting? – read, watch a TV show (not a whole season), dance, clean something, do a puzzle of some kind, find someone to serve, go for a driv

This list could go on and on, but you get the idea.

3. Ask for support. – Ask your spouse or friend to deal with your kids or pick the kids up a bit later from daycare so you can take a few minutes for yourself regularly. Even ten minutes of meditating in your car can make a world of difference. Or find a walking partner to wander and breathe for a few minutes after dinner. You know what you need. Ask for it. You have people in your life who love you and will support you.

See the urge to use food to cope with our emotions as the gift it can be.

What? A gift? I don’t think so. But just listen. When we want to use food to deal with our emotions, sometimes it’s the first indicator that something is getting to us. It’s like a light being shined on an area we might not want to see, but that still needs to be dealt with. That kind of knowledge is a gift. It gives us the chance to stop and get some clarity, and that’s powerful.

Let’s acknowledge that feelings and eating are a wonderful combination and appreciate being the emotional eaters we all are.As we learn to identify when our emotion/eating connection is healthy and when it’s not, food can take its rightful place in nourishing us body and soul.

THIS WEEK’S CHALLENGE – Recognize one instance when you want to eat instead of facing an uncomfortable emotion or situation and find a different way to handle it.

Week 1 – 3 Cultural Attitudes to Fight Against

Week 2 – What is Intuitive Eating?

Week 3 – Honor Your Hunger

Week 4 – Make Peace With Food

Week 5 – Get Sassy With Your Food Cops

Week 6 – Feel Your Fullness

Week 7 – Embrace Pleasure

#IntuitiveEating #EmotionalEating #Selfimprovement #Selfdiscovery